useful self-education

I have just discovered how to make my belt "quick release." that is, with a single tug, it comes undone. I'm not sure if maybe how this was meant to be used, but I like this feature. oh, the instant gratification.

-B-

blurring together

it has come to my attention that I have been noticing more and more similarities between myself and new people I have met. this is becoming unnerving.

I remember the days where I would see things I liked in other people, and try to guide my personal development in that direction. it seems that this effort has been at least partly successful: I tend to see things I like in other people, and then realize how much it reminds me of who I now am.

the concept of liking who I am, of recognizing likable traits, remains quite alien to me. it has always seemed more comfortable (partly due to the perception that it was more socially correct) to look down on myself and never give myself credit, to refrain from acknowledging - even silently - that there might be something redeemable about my character.

it hasn't helped that there is never a lack of social missteps to be perpetuated.

I guess what is bothering me is that I am finding that I like myself enough to have the self-respect to not deal with people that would seek to cause me harm, nor to tolerate those that would have a complete lack of respect for me as a person.

oh, and dating is far more complicated, I would prefer to not endure another moment of it.

-B-

Full Moon Rise

all these odd trains of thought these days... I am becoming a weird old man. I wonder what this will be like in 5 years. I wonder at how premature everything is. I wonder if we're so close to the end that it might not even matter.

the rough draft mixdown of this latest aural journey is incredibly flawed... and yet, at the core, an amazing gem, it will be great. a beautiful way to start off the year. the year. 2009.

I'm going to be on edge for over another 400 days. I hope it's as wild a ride as all the hype.

-B-